How to be a 3XL emo?

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

Guys... excuse the random thread, although I think you're getting used to them.

I help run a Friday night youth group for the local community and church kids and this week we're doing Finding Emo.

Basically it's a bunch of running around town picking up clues to Simple plan and MCR songs, which the kids have to decipher. Thing is, all the leaders have to dress up emo. That means me too.

I've got some black shirts, one saying BTS gym, another saying Lord of all things and one saying Original Athletic dept. Not very emo.

Got some black suit pants or stonewash jeans.

Can use my mothers make up.

I'm willing to spend up to about 20 bucks to complete the look. ANyone got any ideas about what I could do? My mate and I are pretty anti-emo but we have to dress up like one, say looking to take the mickey out of emo's, while dressing as one. Perhaps also make a sign saying, "Join the Black parade, or I'll throw a hissy fit". Any help appreciated.
Jono

[Paul Neuhaus]

OK, now I feel old.

What is an emo? And where does a stupid word like that come from?

[Rus Mandery]

An emo is a queer version of a hipster.

[Matt Brouse]

I wish my lawn was Emo so it would cut itself...

I might have stole that from Clay, not sure.

Honestly, dude, I've got nothing for you, sorry.

[Paul Neuhaus]

An emo is a queer version of a hipster.
.......HUH??

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

Emo

http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i169/ily_lucy/notreallyemojuststreotypical.jpg

Goth

http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/839780/2/istockphoto_839780_thoughtful.jpg

Freak

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e81/Mansonfreak89/070-1.jpg

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

OK, now I feel old.

What is an emo? And where does a stupid word like that come from?


Emo is short for emotional. It's another outlet for the emasculation of the modern male.

They listen to stuff like AFI, Simple plan and My chemical romance. yotutube it if you have to.

A bunch of Melbournian olympic lifters made this video as part of a school project, the first few minutes should explain what an emo is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlENfgVA7Ks

[Grant Buhr]

I wasn't sure either, so I looked it up and found this:

Appearance
To obtain the perfect emo look you will need the following:

Clothing
Child's T-shirt - Usually containing a nostalgic cartoon program from the 70s or 80s. Make sure that you are underweight enough so that you will be able to fit into child's t-shirts. Show your inner despair by looking like you are too sad to eat. Obesity and emocity do NOT mix. Sweater vest - Stolen from father. If said father doesn't wear sweatervests, then steal one from a dad who does wears them.
Black rimmed glasses - For the 'geek chic' look.
Converse shoes - don't forget to write the name of your significant other on them.
Tiny striped shirt - The best place to purchase striped EMO shirts is at Wal-Mart. Just head into the young boy's section and you can usually find them for about $5. If you're lucky enough to be spoiled, you can just head to the local ritzy mall and hit up the GAP or Banana Republic. Do not admit that you bought those shirts from there, but you will feel higher on the EMO social scale if you have the name brand.

Body Mods
Tattoos of stars - Notably nautical stars. You also need to get some tattoos of cherries, sparrows, and a guitar.
You must have at least one or two lip rings. Express your inner pain by showing that you also have outer pain. Stretch your ear lobes to an ung odly gauge like 00 so you can buy the cool plugs with the nautical stars in them.

Hair
Greasy hair - Try avoid showering for 2 or 3 days.
Dyed black hair - Should be floppy if you are male, teased huge if you are female.

Transportation
Emo kids like to drive something called a "Vespa" which is just an expensive moped with a foreign name. You will not be emo until you buy one.
However, if you're not FORTUNATE enough to buy a vespa, EMO kids usually like to drive Kia's, Hyundai's, or those old school Toyota Corollas .

Accessories
Like emo guys, emo girls should also wear wristbands, especially if they're colored all sorts of happy colors. While it might confuse people as to whether you're a raver, piercing your ears like 2983492 times and wearing babydoll shirts with "Unhappy Chick" written on them will eliminate confusion.

If you're an emo girl and you look good, then you're doing something wrong! Gaining a boatload of weight, or slimming down to the width of a pencil will help you look like you're just not good enough to be happy with a significant other.

You must own 3128912 guitars to give off that "I'm in a band" look. So what if you can't play, you LOOK like you can.

Carry around a poetry book and whenever you see your emo soulmate, read them the poem that you wrote for them.

From http://www.sykospark.net/emo/appearance.html

Sounds like a weird mix of glam, punk and hippie.

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

Obesity and emocity do NOT mix

6'4, 292lbs. I is too fat to be an emo :(



(thanks btw)

[Nikhil Rao]

Take male punk rocker. Remove the remnants of masculinity found therein. Add ovaries.

This is emo. Which is actually short for 'emotionally transsexual'

Only they are even more womanly than women are. In that many women are quite strong mentally and physically, whereas these guys aren't.

[chrisklavette]

OK just to help you I will let you into a little about my shameful personal side. I have been listening to emo since before it was cool. Bands like Hot water music, Get up Kids, Saves the Day, Juliana theory, Alkaline Trio, Sensefield, Sunny Day Real Estate, yada yada yada. You want to be "real" emo? Wear a just to small of a black T-shirt (pocket optional), put some pomade in your hair and mess it up, wear some low top chucks, studded belt, cuff your jeans, carry a statchel or mead journal with you. There you have it, original emo. Also, a huge plus is grow a beard. Be kind of drunk all the time. It was originally a little rock-a-billy and a little mod. I'm sure Ryan can back me up on this since he is in the record industry and friends with Matt Skiba.
attached is what emo used to look like

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

That guy actually looks ok Chris... thing is I'm expected to be more emotional transsexual than that guy.

[Corey DuCharme]

OK, now I feel old.

What is an emo? And where does a stupid word like that come from?


I'm with you Paul.......I just call them the weird kids at the mall.

The thing about these kids is, for being so darn depressed, they sure have a lot of energy and motivation to pull off the look they are after.

[Joshua Davis]

yeah, the nautical star/sparrow tattoo thing is BS too, I have had nautical stars and sparrow tattoos since before most those kids were still watching Barney... it's more a sailor jerry/old school tattoo thing than an "emo" thing.

[chrisklavette]

yeah, the nautical star/sparrow tattoo thing is BS too, I have had nautical stars and sparrow tattoos since before most those kids were still watching Barney... it's more a sailor jerry/old school tattoo thing than an "emo" thing.
Yup, I have a nautical star tattoo and in no way am I going to wear eye shadow or girl pants. Emo has pretty much been hijacked by MTV goth kids.

[Rus Mandery]

Why Hipsters Suck
By Kerry Da Silva

If you live in a metropolitan city like I do, you start to notice that there are as many hipsters infesting your region as there are cockroaches. Both creatures are equally repulsive and annoying, and once you think you're rid of them, an entire new community of them comes to life. The only main difference between the two is that you can kill a cockroach legally.

How can you spot the elusive hipster? A clear way of recognizing one is by his clothing, which can include some or all of the following:

* Camper shoes
* Pre-worn jeans/corduroys
* 70's shirt
* Buddy Holly glasses
* Strategically unkempt hair
* Manhattan Portage messenger bag

"Jeez", you may say. "I think I'm a hipster! Some of these items are in my closet!"

Number One: When describing yourself, don't be so quick to use the h-word.

Number Two: Think before you come out of the closet with this admission. There are sizeable consequences (such as losing most of your brain functions).

Here are the hipster deciding factors:

* If you maxed out your credit card to pay for an outfit such as the one above, you're a hipster.
* If you live in a converted loft with exclusively Ikea furniture, you're a hipster.
* If you live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn; Berkeley, San Francisco; Capitol Hill, Seattle; Allston, Boston; or another similar community, you're a hipster.
* If you often say the phrase "No Worries", you're a hipster.
* If, when asked what you do for a living, you reply: "I'm an artist", you're a hipster.
* If you deny the existence of hipsters and hipsterism, you're a hipster.

Definition of a Hipster (from The Hipster Handbook, freewilliamsburg.com):

One who possesses tastes, social attitudes, and opinions deemed as being cool by the cool. The hipster walks among the masses in daily life but is not a part of them and must shun or reduce to kitsch anything held dear by the mainstream. A hipster ideally possesses no more than 2% body fat.

Let's dissect this definition, shall we?

One who possesses tastes, social attitudes, and opinions deemed as being cool by the cool.

Are we still in junior high? Who are "the cool"? Do they have a secret handshake? The average hipster's gravitational pull gathers fellow robot-like cult members who also live off their trust funds and spout out philosophical idiom they learned in Ivy League. If this is considered cool, then I'm proud to be a dork.

The hipster walks among the masses in daily life but is not a part of them…

A hipster is always part of "them" since his style and soul are completely parallel to the hipster next to him, and the hipster next to him, and so on, and so forth, until they become the masses. The Urban Outfitters and Diesels are the K-marts of the future. (Does this mean that "normal", opinionated people will become the hipsters of tomorrow?!)

…and must shun or reduce to kitsch anything held dear by the mainstream.

Since we've already determined that hipsters have definitely become their own mainstream, I think by their definition, working for money is kitschy.

A hipster ideally possesses no more than 2% body fat.

This is true. In between fancy vegan restaurant visits, I've seen many-a-hipster sporting a cig or two to maintain that I-don't-eat-I'm-an-artist weight.

Several researchers and I have been looking into the origin of hipsters and their culture, which, some say, seems to date back to the late 1960's from a group of people called "hippies". However, these "hippies" of the past had specific liberal ideals and beliefs, whereas the new hipsters of today have absolutely none and appear to have been seduced by their vanity into actually "buying in" to upscale marketing and culture. This led us to believe that hipsters were not conceived organically from the rank and file of the human race.

Through our research, we have recently discovered that behavioral scientists were employed by the top five U.S. corporations to produce an overall plan that would guarantee profits and alleviate the pressure to advertise. These scientists came up with a plan to create a new, scientifically engineered breed of human that would specifically buy high-priced label merchandise and also act as supposed "models of fashion". They referred to these new humans as "hipsters". By creating more hipsters and exclusive "models of fashion" hipster circles, scientists correctly predicted that those who enviously aspire to belong to that group are therefore enticed to purchase similar material possessions gain access to these circles. The profitable benefit to these top companies has been unsurpassed.

In conclusion, hipsters are mindless pawns used by greedy corporations, and they suck.

[Adam Ray]

emo kids are the bane of my generation, yall had hippes, we got emo

[Ryan Duncan]

Oh emo, how ye have fallen...

Plan A: Thick glasses, black or navy zip-up hoodie, studded belt, jeans, backpack w/ buttons all over it, mousse-y hair, chuck taylors or vans, perhaps a Fidel Castro hat. Oh and definitely magic marker some star tattoos on the wrists. or even better, a heart shaped lock on one and a key on the other. maybe hold a pretend LP from a band with a name like Seven Dead Roses Bleed in Sorrow Across Thirteen Forgotten Sundays...

Plan B: get a T-shirt that says "I ATE FALLOUT BOY"

And I will back Chris up in that there is a BIG difference between some of the "real" bands from back in the early '90s (Hot Water Music, Braid, Christie Front Drive, etc.) and this third wave high school mall rock that ended up getting popular.

[chrisklavette]

Why Hipsters Suck
I hate how hipsters feel that some huge corporate giants are evil and some are "green friendly lovable ones"
i.e.
Apple
American Eagle
Eddie Bauer
Jeep
Dell
Any cell phone company
Toyota
Nantucket drink company

This is the same mentality for emo kids. Except they are not as convicted and they think hot topic is an indie store.

[chrisklavette]

Oh emo, how ye have fallen...

Plan A: Thick glasses, black or navy zip-up hoodie, studded belt, jeans, backpack w/ buttons all over it, mousse-y hair, chuck taylors or vans, perhaps a Fidel Castro hat. Oh and definitely magic marker some star tattoos on the wrists. or even better, a heart shaped lock on one and a key on the other. maybe hold a pretend LP from a band with a name like Seven Dead Roses Bleed in Sorrow Across Thirteen Forgotten Sundays...

Plan B: get a T-shirt that says "I ATE FALLOUT BOY"

And I will back Chris up in that there is a BIG difference between some of the "real" bands from back in the early '90s (Hot Water Music, Braid, Christie Front Drive, etc.) and this third wave high school mall rock that ended up getting popular.
Braid. Oh, I need to go dust off some c.d.'s (pre mp3) and go back to the good ol' days. 90's - early 00's

Ryan if ever need to kill some time you should PM or email me a list of bands to go back and listen to just incase there are some I am forgetting about. Those bands + a case of beer were truly truly good for the soul.

[Scott Markowitz]

I misread the title of this at first and I was thinking of a giant red baby monster. I guess that's what I get for having a 17-month-old.

I will say that this has been an informative thread. I hear the kids on campus talk about emo all the time but until now I had no idea what it was.

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

Glad to be of some help and thanks to the guys on here for posting.

I took some pics of what I'm thinking of doing for the emo hairdo. I could barely stomach looking at them, but they are funny. Interesting fact, I was listening to Pink Floyd (money) and wearing a highland games t-shirt while I took the pics.


Front view, side view and proof that I can get emotional (49'1 16lb stone PB)

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

I think I just killed this thread.

[Matt Brouse]

I think I just killed this thread.
Think? Psshht! For sure. I'm gonna go cry now, and be otherwise emotional.

[chrisklavette]

Think? Psshht! For sure. I'm gonna go cry now, and be otherwise emotional.
What makes this different from any other valentine's for you Matt?

[Matt Brouse]

What makes this different from any other valentine's for you Matt?
You'd shut your whore mouth if you knew what was good for you... :p

[ADAMBAUER]

first I am glad I am not the only one who was lost on this whole EMO crap, I don't think we called them emo in high school we just kicked their asses. Hey it was the early 90s we were hopped up on the remnants of aquanet and breathing through fibers of flannel! :BB:

[chrisklavette]

first I am glad I am not the only one who was lost on this whole EMO crap, I don't think we called them emo in high school we just kicked their asses. Hey it was the early 90s we were hopped up on the remnants of aquanet and breathing through fibers of flannel! :BB:
there was no such thing as emo back than. emp kids were called goths back than

[Eric Jett]

I think I just killed this thread.

No, the thread cut itself.

[ADAMBAUER]

there was no such thing as emo back than. emp kids were called goths back than
Thats what is was, thanks for clearing that up Chris! In the defense of those who are different we all had our little quirks right?
By the way what do you mean back then? It wasn't that long ago! :FF:

[chrisklavette]

Thats what is was, thanks for clearing that up Chris! In the defense of those who are different we all had our little quirks right?
By the way what do you mean back then? It wasn't that long ago! :FF:
considering Laura Ingalls Wilder was in your yearbook, yeah it was "back then"

[AaRoNSnider]

Im never going to be good enough for any of you guys!Im going to go cry,and write a depressing blog on myspace.

[Patrick McGuffin]

No, the thread cut itself.

No, it took a knife and started playing its wrists like a violin.

[Patrick McGuffin]

It is truly sad to know that the emo's have made it all the way out to New Zealand

[Eric Jett]

It is truly sad to know that the emo's have made it all the way out to New Zealand

Yes, I had no idea they were migratory.

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

It is truly sad to know that the emo's have made it all the way out to New Zealand


Simple plan have been out here twice in about a year. My Chemical romance HEADLINED a gig that had Tool and Muse playing in it as well. Emocity is alive and well here.


After tonight I'm not sure what I disrespect more. Emo's or kettlebell instructors intent on telling you that kettlebells have a high carry over to the Olympic lifts. Thanks to Stas for keeping the faith and annoying the guy.

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

I just got dressed up into pretty much tonights emo outfit, minus the hair (will do that later). I absolutely do feel like an emotional transsexual. Argh... got some Poetry on me


Hold me in the arms of apathy
as the tear stains fade and my wrist bleed free

Blade in hand as I look at the stain
Watching red droplets fall like the pouring rain.

[Arnell Castillo]

Death To Emo !!!!! All Hail Goth And Black Metal !!!!!! :EL:

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

Alright, well I promised pictures. The third pic is just to prove I can dress up without being a weirdo at a youth group event.

[Stas Chalaev]

NO NO NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Quick, someone spray holy water in my eyes!!

[ADAMBAUER]

Quick grab some Motorhead and Anthrax crank it up as loud as possible :FF:

[ColinStubbert]

dude, this could work so well! youd be the scariest emo EVER! just get a really cheap band t-shirt (it doesnt matter what kind) and girl's pants or really tright guy's pants. that s what all the emos i know wear

[Ian Duggan]

Simple plan have been out here twice in about a year. My Chemical romance HEADLINED a gig that had Tool and Muse playing in it as well. Emocity is alive and well here.
I know I'm late to this one, but my goodness, that's one of the most depressing things I've ever heard... the fact they're even on the same bill as Muse and Tool... :(

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

I know I'm late to this one, but my goodness, that's one of the most depressing things I've ever heard... the fact they're even on the same bill as Muse and Tool... :(


Yeah it was absolutely shocking. I wanted to hear Muse, but man, not with 20 gazillion Emo's running around.


As for the other comments, deal with it. I'm never going back to emo, it sucked walking around like that, I didn't enjoy it that much. Was funny for a little while, but I fully freaked some people out in town, buying a drink was a chore.

Funny thing, my mate was dressed up in the real tight pants and stuff, hating it too. We ended up driving a van of emo's, listening to Metallica and Pink Floyd on the stereo, just to feel less pathetic.