Training yourself while having kids.

[Matthew White]

So, my fiance and I are both 23, turn 24 in less than a month. And her friends are all talking of having kids (25-30 years old) and her and I had previously agreed no kids because we want to travel, both want to compete, and we'd like to open our own business (a gym and spa) within the 5 to 8 year range from now. Well, she kinda got a little mean with me about not wanting kids, because now she opened the idea up, and well, I see that as I'm going to have to sacrifice some stuff, the traveling will be the first thing to go, obviously competing will be next, however, I kinda wondered, since alot of you have kids, especially Jesse with his new family addition (congratulations by the way) how did having children affect your life's as competitive athletes? I thought about it myself and realized that I was being kind of selfish in what I wanted, so I told her I'd think about having a kid and we've agreed to some open terms, but I'm still wondering how that will affect my life, not to turn me away from it or to it more, but to get an idea for what I need to budget for, and what I should expect when the time comes? I appreciate any replies on this.
Thanks

[craig kruse]

I feel there is no reason not to have kids and still do what you love. Everyone is busy and it is a matter of managing time and committments.

I am a 35 year old physical therapist and the manager for a medium sized company. We have 11 clinics in the Chicago suburbs. I am very busy with work but love what I do and work with great people.

My wife and I just celebrated our 11th anniversary. We have 3 children (7, 5, and 1 year old). My wife stays home with our kids but also does a transcription job (typing notes for a medical practice) at night and works at a nursing home on Saturday mornings.

Normally my work day is from 5:30 am until 4:00 pm. Currently I am having to work some extra hours at one of our clinics and work 5:30 am until 8:00 pm M-Th and 5:30- 4:00 on Friday.

I wake up at 3:00 am every day to train. I have a 1500 square foot basement loaded with equipment. I train everyday because I love it.

Since last Sept I have competed in 5 contests and have 5 more this year.
We have also been on 5 trips during that time.

I try to make it a priority to spend time with my family when I can. My kids know that Friday night until Sunday night I am going to spend most of my time with them. I spend time with my wife on the weekend and try to call her on the cell phone during the day when I am driving between clinics.

I always laugh when I hear someone make an excuse that they are too busy to train. Everyone has the same 24 hours in the day and the same 12 months during the year. It is what we want to do with the available time.

[Troy Zama]

you's a beast craig :KD: That's dedication!

[Dan Harrison]

I say drop that woman of yours and find one that doesn't want kids, or forget about having a woman at all for awhile. There are PLENTY of hot women out there that DON'T want kids!! No reason to throw away your life by making a bunch of kids against your will and never being able to chase your dreams and fulfill your destiny because you are too busy changing diapers and running errands and living the mundane domestic life that torments men worldwide. If she wants kids so bad, tell her to find another guy because anybody can make a baby no matter how ugly they are (Clay Edgin) but not everyone gets to live their dream.

[Matthew White]

Hmmm, Craig, that's hardcore. Dan, that was my initial mentality. Hahaha, I can see punishing my kid by making them move that big pile of rocks from point A to point B as well though (see the irony) hahaha. The initial issue is timing. I don't mind not traveling, I'm currently in the navy and am on my 3rd deployment in 5 years and get out next year. (finally!) so I've seen alot of the world, good, the bad, and the ClayEdgin. :T: I by no means am ready to settle down from being a dirty sailor to a yuppy, she isn't ready for me to be a yuppy. She wants to compete in fitness competition and I want to go for something pro, either powerlifting, strongman, or even....dare I say it...."sumo wrestling" hahaha. Anyway. Her and I would both like to own our own gym, with our own rules, in fact alot like this forum, super hardcore, but something mom and the kids can feel safe looking around in. However, as this gym isn't going to be a chain of gyms, and it won't be some 50000 sq foot facility with 10 floors of wussy cardio equipment and foo foo coffee vendors, I think I will actually have time for a kid or two. Hahaha, as for plenty of hot women, she a hot woman from New Zealand with a hardcore attitude that almost matches my own. (I can't expect that there is really that many women in history to have quite me extreme, war hardened, balls to the wall, attitude. :EL: ............not so much, but anyway) I see potential to have a couple of hardcore kids eventually as well. But this won't happen till prolly mid 30's anyway. I think I'm going to just strike the thought from my memory and make room for more training knowledge. :EP:

[Mike Westerling]

...we both work a ton of hours a week and still find time to train and compete at strongman and my wife competed in bodybuilding 9 months after giving birth to our second child. It can be tough at times BUT I wouldn't trade my family for anything.
However, if you are not ready, wait. You cannot be selfish and have a happy marriage and family at the same time. You have to be ready to manage your time and money, all your time, pay all your bills, get the kids where they need to be, re-schedule workouts to get the kids to the doc when they are sick etc.....My advice is if you don't think you can handle it YET you probably can't. One day you may decide you don't want it at all and one day you may decide you are ready. When you are ready you will know and you will make it work and it will be the most rewarding experience of your life. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.
-Mike

[Dan Harrison]

JUST SAY NO!!!

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/images/kids2.jpg

[Alan Benninga]

I knew too many guys with families when I was younger that told me if they could do it all over again they would not have kids.

Once you have kids if you get divorced she will get the house and the kids, you will get the bills and child support/allimony will leave you living in a relative's basement.

I never liked the idea of giving someone that kind of power over me. Don't trust anything that can bleed for 5 days and not die.

[Mike Stewart]

We have kids and it works for us as far as training, spending time with family, all the normal stuff that needs to be taken care of. Now our youngest is 3 and having said that, starting a family and training and doing contests will be pretty tough just for the fact that the child is less than a year old because of the attention that he/she will need. Look at Jesse's family, it can be done. Don't feel selfish or bad because there's things you want to do instead of having children. I don't have any regrets about having kids. You could always do like my best friend. He has a Viper, a 68' Camaro, and a bunch of other toys and no kids because he wants to be able to do what he likes to do in case that changes when he and his wife do have kids. Good luck with your decision.

[Mac Smith]

My wife and I have three children. My first child (daughter) was born my senior year in high school. I still managed to graduate (as did my wife), I was an all-american football player, and signed with a D1 school. My other two children were born while I was still in college. I still managed to graduate (as did my wife), had a good football career. After college I played 4 yrs of pro football, 5 yrs of semi-pro football (inducted in the semi pro hall of fame in 05), did powerlifting, and now compete in strongman. All while both the wife and I work full time demanding jobs. We still manage to attend all of our kids functions (football, basketball, wrestling, cheerleading, drama, etc). Sure my training suffers because of my commitment to my family. But that is the sacrifice I make. My family is the most important thing in my life and I'll give up everything for them. I've been a professional athlete and I now do strongman as more of a hobby. I wish I could devote more time to it, but again, my family comes first. I'm sure there are a lot of people on this forum that would say "if Mac would devote himself more he could be great", I know my training partner NIck Best would say that. But there aren't enough hours in the day. But I don't mind. Seeing my son win back to back AAU basketball titles, my other son winning a wrestling championship, a all-star football performance, and a rushing title, my daughter acting and taking college level work as a sophmore in high school, is more than any strongman title could ever provide me.

So, in conclusion, you have to determine what is best for you. If you don't think you can juggle family life, then wait. But most top level strongmen have families (Best, Marunde, PHister, Felix, etc.).

[Matt Meinrod]

Although I don't have any kids yet I don't understand why you couldnt reason with your soon to be wife. I mean in my opinion having your first around 28 to 32 is the perfect age. Settled in your career, experienced your 20's without much baggage, more financially secure than your early to mid 20's. Plus mentally you'll definitely be more prepared for a child at that age. So what's the rush - it's not like your fiance feels that biological clock yet. I'd go back to the negotiating table.

[Dan Harrison]

I knew too many guys with families when I was younger that told me if they could do it all over again they would not have kids.

Once you have kids if you get divorced she will get the house and the kids, you will get the bills and child support/allimony will leave you living in a relative's basement.

I never liked the idea of giving someone that kind of power over me. Don't trust anything that can bleed for 5 days and not die.

One of the best posts in the universe. Ever.

[Dan Harrison]

Sure my training suffers because of my commitment to my family.

Exactly my point. Freddie Mercury once said that if you want to be the best, you have to throw all your eggs in one basket, go all the way, never look back. This isn't for everyone, and it's PERFECTLY alright to have an actual life and family... that's not my plan though. Everyone has a different path, and mine is living the strongman dream and travelling the world and I won't let anything distract me.

[ClayEdgin]

Matthew, you're in the same boat I was in when I first got married. First of all, I wholeheartedly believe no one under the age of 30 should get married under any circumstances. 18 may be the legal age, but nobody is truly ready to commit to anything "forever" at that age. Same with having kids. Don't allow yourself to get pressured into something you're obviously not ready for. She's allowing her older friends to influence her decisions as well. If those friends were so smart, they'd have had kids when they were your age, right? Your fiance loves the idea of having kids, but nobody loves getting up every 2 hours for the next year of your life.

If you've got these goals you'd like to hit before having kids, you need to make sure your fiance understands and accepts them. If she loves you, she won't fight to get her way. If she does give you a hard time about it, well then maybe she isn't the one for you. That isn't what you want to hear, and that isn't what I wanted to hear during my first marriage which ended in January.

I don't regret having my daughter. She is an amazing creature with a very sharp wit. But I do regret allowing myself to get pressured into having a child when I wasn't ready because I didn't want to rock the boat with my wife. Having a child is the reason I got into the gym in the first place. I wanted to get healthier so I could live long enough to be a grandpa and God willing, a great grandpa.

You won't lose your dreams by having a child; they'll just be hindered somewhat by first having to take into account what your family needs. Money for traveling to contests will instead get diverted to your child. I read somewhere that when a couple has a child, half of their income goes to the child. So you're basically living on half the money you would normally have available. That means maybe one contest a year, cutting back on supplements, and working overtime to make ends meet. Working overtime means missing out on gym time and if you do go to the gym, you're so burnt out from your job that you can't make the same gains you had before. And forget about opening your own gym.

Let me give you the worst case scenario, which also happens to be my life. How optimistic am I? haha I got married too young, had a kid when I wasn't ready, moved out of state to be closer to my wife's family which means I left all my family and friends behind. Now that I'm divorced, I'm free right? Nope, I'm still here in New Mexico because my daughter lives here. I see her every Thursday and every other weekend. And my child support payments are high enough to keep me from saving any money every month so I couldn't get out of here if I tried. So I am in purgatory. The only reason I'm still in this God-forsaken state is a little blond beauty who I see once in a while. Moving back to CA and leaving my daughter behind is something I can't quite come to grips with. So what do I do? Who knows. Don't let yourself get into that same situation.

Who are you anyway? Do you know? Have you had enough life experiences to where you can sit down and honestly say "Yup, I'm ready to settle down now." I'm 26 and I don't know who I am because I've never lived on my own for more than 2 months.

Mac is the exception to the rule. He married his childhood sweetheart, and she kicks ass. She's supportive of him in every way. They're both great people. I think the percentage of people who are as lucky as him to get it right on the first try is miniscule.

I'm not telling you to break up with your girl. Just don't allow yourself to be a passenger in this relationship. Speak honestly from your heart and don't be afraid of the consequences. If she bails on you, then you dodged a bullet. If she says that you're right and you guys should wait, then you're both back on the same page again.

Holy crap, I just wrote my autobiography. Didn't mean to do that, but I hope you're able to pick some nuggets of information out of this that will be helpful.

"To thine own self be true"

[NickBrugal]

Off topic but good life advice: Don't date strippers!

[Billy Wolt]

great post clay...i didn't realize how much pain you were in

Bottom line, if your not ready, don't do it.

My fiancee wants to get married and have kids (i'm 28)...i'm fine with the marriage thing, but i told her i'm not ready for kids. Not sure if or when, but right now i'm not ready.

[Kevin Cronin]

If you've got these goals you'd like to hit before having kids, you need to make sure your fiance understands and accepts them. If she loves you, she won't fight to get her way. If she does give you a hard time about it, well then maybe she isn't the one for you.

So if she loves him, she shouldn't fight him over his goals to get her way. What if one of her goals is having kids early to have a big family. Does that mean that if he loves her he shouldn't fight her to get his way?

and you see your daughter 4 out of every 14 days? That is total crap ... not that you need me to point that out, i'm sure you've made that observation before

[Billy Wolt]

So if she loves him, she shouldn't fight him over his goals to get her way. What if one of her goals is having kids early to have a big family. Does that mean that if he loves her he shouldn't fight her to get his way?


if that is truly her goal (and not to keep up with her friends) then they have a decision to make on whether to be together.

My woman's friends all have kids and I think that is fueling her wanting kids...but 5 years ago it was even talked about, now it's "oh, this person has a kid, and so does this one". Doesn't really sound like it was a goal for her, more like keeping up with the jones'

[Arnell Castillo]

Matthew, you're in the same boat I was in when I first got married. First of all, I wholeheartedly believe no one under the age of 30 should get married under any circumstances. 18 may be the legal age, but nobody is truly ready to commit to anything "forever" at that age. Same with having kids. Don't allow yourself to get pressured into something you're obviously not ready for. She's allowing her older friends to influence her decisions as well. If those friends were so smart, they'd have had kids when they were your age, right? Your fiance loves the idea of having kids, but nobody loves getting up every 2 hours for the next year of your life.

If you've got these goals you'd like to hit before having kids, you need to make sure your fiance understands and accepts them. If she loves you, she won't fight to get her way. If she does give you a hard time about it, well then maybe she isn't the one for you. That isn't what you want to hear, and that isn't what I wanted to hear during my first marriage which ended in January.

I don't regret having my daughter. She is an amazing creature with a very sharp wit. But I do regret allowing myself to get pressured into having a child when I wasn't ready because I didn't want to rock the boat with my wife. Having a child is the reason I got into the gym in the first place. I wanted to get healthier so I could live long enough to be a grandpa and God willing, a great grandpa.

You won't lose your dreams by having a child; they'll just be hindered somewhat by first having to take into account what your family needs. Money for traveling to contests will instead get diverted to your child. I read somewhere that when a couple has a child, half of their income goes to the child. So you're basically living on half the money you would normally have available. That means maybe one contest a year, cutting back on supplements, and working overtime to make ends meet. Working overtime means missing out on gym time and if you do go to the gym, you're so burnt out from your job that you can't make the same gains you had before. And forget about opening your own gym.

Let me give you the worst case scenario, which also happens to be my life. How optimistic am I? haha I got married too young, had a kid when I wasn't ready, moved out of state to be closer to my wife's family which means I left all my family and friends behind. Now that I'm divorced, I'm free right? Nope, I'm still here in New Mexico because my daughter lives here. I see her every Thursday and every other weekend. And my child support payments are high enough to keep me from saving any money every month so I couldn't get out of here if I tried. So I am in purgatory. The only reason I'm still in this God-forsaken state is a little blond beauty who I see once in a while. Moving back to CA and leaving my daughter behind is something I can't quite come to grips with. So what do I do? Who knows. Don't let yourself get into that same situation.

Who are you anyway? Do you know? Have you had enough life experiences to where you can sit down and honestly say "Yup, I'm ready to settle down now." I'm 26 and I don't know who I am because I've never lived on my own for more than 2 months.

Mac is the exception to the rule. He married his childhood sweetheart, and she kicks ass. She's supportive of him in every way. They're both great people. I think the percentage of people who are as lucky as him to get it right on the first try is miniscule.

I'm not telling you to break up with your girl. Just don't allow yourself to be a passenger in this relationship. Speak honestly from your heart and don't be afraid of the consequences. If she bails on you, then you dodged a bullet. If she says that you're right and you guys should wait, then you're both back on the same page again.

Holy crap, I just wrote my autobiography. Didn't mean to do that, but I hope you're able to pick some nuggets of information out of this that will be helpful.

"To thine own self be true"
Great post Clay!

[ClayEdgin]

So if she loves him, she shouldn't fight him over his goals to get her way. What if one of her goals is having kids early to have a big family. Does that mean that if he loves her he shouldn't fight her to get his way?

and you see your daughter 4 out of every 14 days? That is total crap ... not that you need me to point that out, i'm sure you've made that observation before

It's 5 days out of every 14 (I get her Friday as part of my weekend too) and that is the standard timesharing arrangement for a lot of people. And yes, it is crap.

If one of her goals is to have kids early and have a big family, and his goals are the opposite, then they won't work out together in the long run because neither one will be happy with the outcome.

[Kevin Cronin]

If one of her goals is to have kids early and have a big family, and his goals are the opposite, then they won't work out together in the long run because neither one will be happy with the outcome.

Right, so if she fights him over it, it's not necessarily because she doesnt love him

[ADAMBAUER]

Mac great post! Clay I am sorry to hear about your situation. I come from the kids side on this and it sucks, glad to see your at least doing your best to see her. Matthew, think about your options and dreams, and how your relationship fits into them. A lot of guys have bad experiances and POOPY on the idea of kids, marriage, etc. But like it was mentioned there are exception to every case. Like Mac I married my high school sweet heart, and with in a year had our first son, we were 19. How did I know she was the one? I don't know I just couldn't imagine life without her. I know have three sons, 9,6, and 3 and just started strongman, sure it is hard to find the time to train, but I look at how much time I spent when I bowled, or played softball, or even sat and watched TV and I found the time to train. As it was stated it is a matterof time managment, if she truly loves and supports you and you truly love and support her you two should be able to come to an agreement. And IMHO nothing feels better than being a Dad, kids are the greatest gift one can recieve. Marriage and relationships are never easy, it a series of comprimises.
Think about your prioities and then set the rest around them.
Theres my two cents.

[Donnie Rhodes]

I can't believe this topic is even a public post. I think there have been a lot of people with good advice and a lot with bad advice. I still can't believe this has been a post with so much response. If someone decides to have children it is a fact, they have to alter their schedule to accomadate their children. Many people do it and many people succeed in life to be great athletes, business owners,and even great parents. It all comes down to doing the right thing for the right reasons. As far as your comments Dan Harrison, I hope you are just kidding. If not it just shows a lack of intelligence on your part.

Exactly my point. Freddie Mercury once said that if you want to be the best, you have to throw all your eggs in one basket, go all the way, never look back. This isn't for everyone, and it's PERFECTLY alright to have an actual life and family... that's not my plan though. Everyone has a different path, and mine is living in a blaze of strongman glory and I won't let anything distract me.

Freddie Mercury didn't even play for the same team as those of us with kids. :BB:

[Jessejobe]

I know for me I never wanted to have kids. Then I met my wife and she had a daughter already. This was a big change for me, I knew that I would make it work. We didn't plan on having any more kids and then we had another daughter. I have always trained out of my own gym so my kids just go out there with me. I love having my kids around when I train( well most of them time:) I think one of the greatest things about having kids when you compete is they put right into perspective for you. Example when I did the Gus yesterday and they were handing out trophies, my buddy got one and my daugther looks at me and goes where's your Dad. I said I don't get one today, her response "you weren't strong enough today" That right there gives me all the drive I need to get up to the podium just so my daugther knows I was one of the strong guys that day. But it all boils down if you know you are not ready for kids don't get pressured to have them. I never planned either of mine but once the got there I was ready and it hasn't really changed much for me as far as training, competing, and setting my goals that I want.

Jesse Jobe

[Ian Duggan]

"Men tracht und Gott lacht." (man plans, god laughs)

Having kids at your age works wonders for some people (some of my friends are doing exactly that and are very happy), and works not so well for others (Clay being a good example). Although this is a huge decision for you, not sure this board of reprobates is the best source of advice... *cough*Dan*cough*

[Troy Zama]

this is a good thread, has some good lessons for the youngins :IMHO:

[Dan Harrison]

Post deleted.

[Mike Westerling]

Hey, screw you guys!! hah!! KIDS... I don't have em, don't want em, don't need em. While you guys are out changing crappy diapers and eating spam cause you're kid is killing your budget, and then listening to your crabby wife (who seems to be putting on a pound a day) nag you day and night, I'll be training and then eating my new york steak every night with nobody telling me what to do around the house.. EVER.

I guess the opinion of "having kids is great and anyone who doesn't want kids is a jerk" is the correct view.. all others who disagree are idiots, right Donnie? Oh wait, not idiots... just people with bad advice.

I respect you for knowing yourself well enough not to have kids. Kids are not for everyone. I think only those who are truly ready should have them.
-Mike :IMHO:

[ADAMBAUER]

I guess the opinion of "having kids is great and anyone who doesn't want kids is a jerk" is the correct view.. all others who disagree are idiots, right Donnie? Oh wait, not idiots... just people with bad advice.

Didn't mean to imply that Dan. In my case my kids are my life and I am better person because of them. But thats just me. If you don't want kids more power to ya. It comes down to individual choice.

[Dan Harrison]

Didn't mean to imply that Dan. In my case my kids are my life and I am better person because of them. But thats just me. If you don't want kids more power to ya. It comes down to individual choice.

I respect you for knowing yourself well enough not to have kids. Kids are not for everyone. I think only those who are truly ready should have them.
-Mike :IMHO:

EXACTLY MY POINT!!!!

Bottom line is, don't give in to a woman telling you to make babies with her just because her bio clock is ticking fast.

I LOVED Paul F.X.'s post previously. I couldn't have said it better myself.

[MarkSikora]

To each his own.

I know this is a re-tread, but.....for me, this is why kids are great.

see ya

Mark

[BrentHamm]

Well, i have been married 11 years, have four kids 11, 8, 4 and 4 years old, and still am able to train and compete.

I do have to skip out on some comps, as too much travelling away from the family is hard on them, and taking everyone along all the time is expensive.

I train around my family and it works out well. Doing most of my stuff after 9:30pm when they are asleep (and some saturday afternoon events with youngest ones along).

Definitly can be done!

[Dan Harrison]

I do have to skip out on some comps, as too much travelling away from the family is hard on them, and taking everyone along all the time is expensive.



That's what I mean. It all depends on your priorities. Nothing wrong with either way if that's what you value most.

[Mac Smith]

I understand your points Dan, BUT, it seems that you think it can't be done if you have kids/family. I disagree! Hell I played pro football while having very young children. I sacrificed being away from them while I tried to play. Now that my kids are older I could devote more time to strongman if I wanted to. But I missed out on some things when they were younger when I was pursuing my dream. Now I don't want to miss out on anything.

In some ways, I envy some of the young, single, unattached guys. But then I look into the eyes of my beautiful Island wife and the big brown eyes of my halfbreed children and I realize what a lucky guy I am. I agree with Clay that I got lucky with my wife. Not to say it's always been easy, but its all been worth it. But not wanting kids was never an issue for me. I didn't want kids until I turned 27, but I started 10yrs earlier, LOL. And it changed my life for the better. If you don't want to have kids, DON'T. No one should ever force anyone to make that kind of life changing decision. But if you love someone, then both of you should come up with some type of compromise... like a timetable of some kind. Otherwise you relationship is doomed.

My dream as a child was to play professional football... I DID THAT! And I did it with a family. I believe strongman can be achieved with a family and many top stronmen are doing it. I'll be a pro soon, I know it. And it will just prove my point even more... THERE IS NO BETTER SUPPORT THAN A WIFE AND CHILDREN SCREAMING FOR YOU AT YOUR CONTESTS, whether it's from the stands during a football game or from the side of the street during a strongman contest.


Doctor Phil OUT!!!

[Dan Harrison]

I understand your points Dan, BUT, it seems that you think it can't be done if you have kids/family. I disagree! Hell I played pro football while having very young children. I sacrificed being away from them while I tried to play. Now that my kids are older I could devote more time to strongman if I wanted to. But I missed out on some things when they were younger when I was pursuing my dream. Now I don't want to miss out on anything.

In some ways, I envy some of the young, single, unattached guys. But then I look into the eyes of my beautiful Island wife and the big brown eyes of my halfbreed children and I realize what a lucky guy I am. I agree with Clay that I got lucky with my wife. Not to say it's always been easy, but its all been worth it. But not wanting kids was never an issue for me. I didn't want kids until I turned 27, but I started 10yrs earlier, LOL. And it changed my life for the better. If you don't want to have kids, DON'T. No one should ever force anyone to make that kind of life changing decision. But if you love someone, then both of you should come up with some type of compromise... like a timetable of some kind. Otherwise you relationship is doomed.

My dream as a child was to play professional football... I DID THAT! And I did it with a family. I believe strongman can be achieved with a family and many top stronmen are doing it. I'll be a pro soon, I know it. And it will just prove my point even more... THERE IS NO BETTER SUPPORT THAN A WIFE AND CHILDREN SCREAMING FOR YOU AT YOUR CONTESTS, whether it's from the stands during a football game or from the side of the street during a strongman contest.


Doctor Phil OUT!!!

Some solid points, Mac. I know for me, I make plenty of money to support myself, but if I had a wife and kids to feed and support, I would be ruined. YES, I could find a way somehow to do it, but it would take like 300% the amount of work to do it!! I'm taking the easy way and focusing 100% on me, and there is nothing wrong with that right now. When I have more money and I'm a lot older, and if I meet the wman of my dreams, I'll consider. As for now, strongman is my wife, and she treats me better than any girl has ever (don't take that too far, sickos).

[Donnie Rhodes]

I guess the opinion of "having kids is great and anyone who doesn't want kids is a jerk" is the correct view.. all others who disagree are idiots, right Donnie? Oh wait, not idiots... just people with bad advice.

Don't be so bitter Dan :FF: Don't confuse me with someone else I train with sometimes :D and you know who I mean. Everyone has their own opinion and that's what makes the world go-round. It's how people choose to express themselves that makes it sound like bad advice or ignorant.

Some solid points, Mac. I know for me, I make plenty of money to support myself, but if I had a wife and kids to feed and support, I would be ruined. YES, I could find a way somehow to do it, but it would take like 300% the amount of work to do it!! I'm taking the easy way and focusing 100% on me, and there is nothing wrong with that right now. When I have more money and I'm a lot older, and if I meet the wman of my dreams, I'll consider. As for now, strongman is my wife, and she treats me better than any girl has ever (don't take that too far, sickos).

My point exactly Dan, now doesn't that comment sound much more intelligent. Now why didn't you just say that before? :BB:

P.S. What a train wreck of a topic.........

[ClayEdgin]

Dan, I wouldn't be bragging about strongman being your wife. That ho has been giving away pro cards to other guys behind your back! :)

[Mac Smith]

Dan, I wouldn't be bragging about strongman being your wife. That ho has been giving away pro cards to other guys behind your back! :)


OUCH!!! :eek:

[David standifer]

:LOL: Dan, I wouldn't be bragging about strongman being your wife. That ho has been giving away pro cards to other guys behind your back! :)
that is was one of the greatest lines i have read in a long time.

[BriannaCaza]

Hello. I do not post often on this board, but I saw this thread, and I wanted to jump in. I have not read all of the comments, but I have read some, and I have to admit, some were a little irritating to a 26 (almost 27) year old woman who has a 2 year old son. And, I wanted to jump in with a female's perspective.

In my opinion you are underestimating your fiance, or at least not giving her a chance. Yes, your life will change, but no, it will not be over. My life and my husband's life has drastically changed since we had our son, there is no doubt about that. However, in the past 2 years, we have both trained and competed in strongman/woman (amatuer of course, and I suck and did it for motivation to get back in shape, but my husband is quite good in my opinion, but I may be a bit biased), finished our PhDs, and traveled quite a bit (for example, we are currently both doing a postdoc at the University of Auckland in NZ). It has not been easy (my son STILL does not sleep through the night), but I can tell you it has been totally worth it in my opinion. My point is that if you want to make something work, you can. And, that is where I think you are underestimating your fiance. If she wants to have a baby, and that is something that is really important to her, I think that you should tell her why you are hesitant (e.g., time constraints, your training, your strongman goals, etc.). Then, together you should decide if you would be able to come up with a plan where both of your goals are met. And, I am not saying that they can. But, I think that if you love her you owe it to her to have an honest conversation about it where you both get a chance to speak and be heard regarding such an important issue. That said, I think that unless you feel 100% ready to make the commitment to trying to make it work, you should not do it because there really is no turning back. However, I think it can be done if you both want it bad enough.

Brianna

P.S. to answer your question in the title of the post regarding how you actually train with kids, my husband and I workout with our son. But, we were lucky enough that my husband trained with Jared Spybrook, and he and his wife are two of my son's favorite people. When we work out at home without extra help we trade off watching Max and working out. But, I do think taking Max to training and competitions (especially strongman) has impacted what our son thinks is "nomal"... for instance, he began daycare at 1 year old, and at around 14 months, he had alienated his "friends" from daycare by flipping the small car tire that was put out as for the kids to touch as a sensory activity:) Oh, and, everytime he sees any type of rock he walks over to it, puts his hands on it and grunts. That kind of freaked out his daycare provider too:)[IMG]http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g154/briannacaza/S6000128.jpg[IMG]

[Jonathan Macfarlane]

Brianna, where abouts in Akl did you move to and where are you lot training? Hope you're enjoying NZ.

[BriannaCaza]

OK, I can add photos now:) Here are two from last year. One is from a contest when he was about 12 months, the other was from training at the Spybrook Strongman Institute:) when he was a little under a year. Not that you asked for photos, but this is how we train with our son:)

Oh well

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g154/briannacaza/S6000128.jpg

[BriannaCaza]

Brianna, where abouts in Akl did you move to and where are you lot training? Hope you're enjoying NZ.


Hi. Jonathan! We are living in central city (on eden crescent) right by the university. To answer your question, we are training at a gym on beach road. We had hoped (well, my husband especially) to do some strongman type stuff while we are here, but have not been able to hook up with anyone. However, you live and train here, right? Do you have any suggestions? My husband would love to come and workout with you if you would have him:) (I know, I sound like I am trying to set you up on a blind date, but I promise he is a nice guy and so much happier when he gets to train:)

Please let me know if you have any suggestions. We are here for another month or so.
Brianna

[Nick Best]

Mathew

I am a father, and a single one at that. There is NOTHING better to me in the world than when my son is with me when I compete. It took 4 shows in 8 months for me to turn pro and my boy was at them all. He has missed 3 pro shows but only because it wasn't appropriate for me to bring him. ( out of counrty or situation where the crowd would be drinking heavly) Its awesome on saturdays when Mac, Kristi, Ryan, and I are out training and he is playing and watching us. Dylan( 6) will pick up the empty farms implements (45lbs each) and go 100ft just to be like dad. Its the greatest feeling in the world. June 12th was the end of my first year as a pro (competing). In that year I placed 6th at 06 nationals, 9th at 06 worlds, broke the world record in the farmers walk, and placed 2nd at 07 nationals. Is my life bussy? yep , but it can be done. This horse Sh#t that kids will somehow put your dreams on hold or end them is that SH#T. If anything it will motovate to push yourself to new levels and give you a deeper since of appreciation when you do!!!!

Nick

[Aaron Ramsey]

Brianna is the first photo from IL contest on the 4th of July weekend? I competed in that one. I do believe your husband won the light weight devision right?

[Aaron Ramsey]

Off topic but good life advice: Don't date strippers!

I don't think anyone even noticed this sound advice!!!!!!!!! :M:

Thanks Nick and I agree.

[Ryan Brown]

Mathew

I am a father, and a single one at that. There is NOTHING better to me in the world than when my son is with me when I compete. It took 4 shows in 8 months for me to turn pro and my boy was at them all. He has missed 3 pro shows but only because it wasn't appropriate for me to bring him. ( out of counrty or situation where the crowd would be drinking heavly) Its awesome on saturdays when Mac, Kristi, Ryan, and I are out training and he is playing and watching us. Dylan( 6) will pick up the empty farms implements (45lbs each) and go 100ft just to be like dad. Its the greatest feeling in the world. June 12th was the end of my first year as a pro (competing). In that year I placed 6th at 06 nationals, 9th at 06 worlds, broke the world record in the farmers walk, and placed 2nd at 07 nationals. Is my life bussy? yep , but it can be done. This horse Sh#t that kids will somehow put your dreams on hold or end them is that SH#T. If anything it will motovate to push yourself to new levels and give you a deeper since of appreciation when you do!!!!

Nick


Good points Nick. Great job on managing your time and being a good dad and a good strongman. I recall you bringing your son to the Central USA when we competed there. He seems to really like it.


As for the kids getting in the way of your ability to compete I will say this is not true.
I've managed to compete in most any show I wanted to compete in and I've beaten some very good competitors along the way with two kids and a very demanding job. It's all about what you want to do. You can't train 24-7 anyway. Play with your kids, etc. when you are not training and working. It's all about balancing your time.

[Kurt Hessenbruch]

Having my daughter was the best thing that's ever happened to my pursuit of strength. Now, I'm training to become the scariest human being imagineable so that when she gets into her teens, boys won't want to come within ten feet of her.

In all seriousness, yours is a hard question to answer because as others have suggested, everyone has different goals. I tend to have the same outlook as Mr. Kruse, but I've always wanted kids, so making the necessary schedule adjustments was no problem for me -- I was prepared for it. I'm 32 now and my daughter is 10 months old, so we had plenty of time to do our travelling and such beforehand.

http://img105.imageshack.us/img105/4139/vestwebee7.jpg

[Scott Markowitz]

Wow. What a topic. Here's my take, if anyone is still reading...

I got married at 19. Contrary to what my parents thought, it was not because she was pregnant. I knew I'd found the right one, and saw no good reason to wait. It wasn't until a year or two later when they realized that the gestation period would've been long over that my parents realized that we didn't "have" to get married.

It took us about 11 years to have a kid, due to medical issues. Although we are in a better financial situation now than we were then, if I'd have had my choice I'd certainly have started earlier. I say this as one who lost both parents in recent years, before my daughter was born. My parents were 40 and 43 when I was born (I was one of those late-in-life accidents - my dad had even had a vasectomy a few years prior. So much for military medicine.) It pains me when I think about my daughter not getting to meet her grandparents. I'd trade a few years of having to scrape by when she's an infant for the same number of years later in her life so I can be around to walk her down the aisle, to meet and have relationships with her children, and even to be able to be active later in her life (my parents did the best they could, but were just not able to be as active as I know they'd have like to be - my dad and I only played catch in the yard a few times, for example. I don't want that to happen to me.)

As far as whether you can compete or not with kids, when my daughter was about 7 months old my wife and I both competed in the Kansas Strongest Man contest. For the most part, we were able to alternate - I'd watch Lilly while Kristal did an event and vice versa. One the one occasion when we were both going at the same time, it was not hard at all to find someone to hold her for a few minutes.

Competing is great. Winning is great. But in the long run, I'll take being hero to one little girl over any pro card or anything else, every day of the week. Besides, as the pic below shows, she's a heck of a cheerleader!

[Eric Johnson]

No one who doesn't want kids should ever have kids, there are too many unloved kids in the world to add more. If you are a shelfish person kids are probably not for you. If the only reason you don't want kids is that you think kids will slow you down or limit what you can do then you are thinking wrong. As my wife tells me all the time think about how you CAN do it not why you CAN NOT do it. There is nothing better in the world than walking in the house and have my kids come running yelling Daddy and give me big hugs. I wouldn't trade that for every strongman title in the world!!! But I am a very unselfish person and spending time with my family and seeing them happy makes me happy.

Lastly don't take anyones advice, especially mine, make your own decision based on your own desires. Kids are a huge responisbilty and to take them lightly does a disservice to them, you bring them into the world, you should act like it!

[Jonathan Creason]

I've got a 2 year old little boy. I'm only 27 now and hope to have more kids in the future. I haven't had any trouble doing what I want to do, whether that be train or fish or whatever, but there will be sacrifices. Sometimes I don't workout until 10 or so at night, sometimes I get up before work and do it. My family is much more important to me than strongman though. I love to compete and make the most out of my God given ability, but it doesn't define me. Everyone has their own priorities though, so find out what yours are and give them everything you've got. If you don't want children, don't have them. It's not really fair to the kid anyway. If you do want them you'll find a way to get everything else done.

[Michael Ambrose]

You need to have a child when you want to have a child. Sometimes it happens and you adjust, but you are not in that situation. Wait until it is right for you as well as her.

As far as how to manage training and competing. You will do it. If you want it bad enough, you learn to manage your time and be fair to yourself and your family.

I'm 41 and work a full time job, 2 kids. Over the past four years I have earned a certificate in Landscape Design, had a part time busibess on the side, started strongman training, done my first competition (Saturday), trained for and competed in powerlifting, done some civic work,found time/money for small but good vacations with the family, had a child with rare form of dwarfism and multiple serious health issues his first year (he's fine now), had a house built, dealt with some SERIOUS marriage issues and still managed to not short my family on love and attention. Your family will work with you if the love is there. You just need to want it and be willing to arrange things in creative manners.

If family/kids are for you. You do what you need to. If it's not, and that's ok, figure it out now before you have regrets and another life looking to you for guidance and support.

My $.02

[Jesse Snadden]

I've been with my girlfriend for 8 years now. We are both 24yrs old and neither of us wants kids right now. She grew up in a family of eight kids. She knows how much work it is. She practically raised half of them herself.

I get nagged non stop from friends and family "When are you going to have kids... it's time... it's what your supposed to do"

What the hell is the rush? I'm 24!!! Last I checked our life expectancy in this day and age is over 30! I got plenty of time to have a kid or two later down the road. My mother keeps saying that she doesn't want to be to old to see them... well in all honesty, it's none of her buisiness nor her decision when I plan on having one... if ever at all.

Sure I could afford it now. Me and Janie both have a good salary, a house and car. But that's the beauty of it. We get to spend it on ourselves! I can take her out and spoil her rotten... or myself...

What does my GF think? She's worse than me. She thinks weddings are a joke. You spend a fortune for one day to get a piece of paper to try and prove to people other then yourself that you love the significant other. Kids? Doesn't want them.

If I want an expensive cigar, a 25 ounce steak, a beer, spend the night drinking... I do it. In fact she gets upset if I ask her permission. If I want to train, any time... I do it. If she wants to shop. She does it. If she wants to walk naked around the house all day... that's fine by me too. Not that she does that... but I sure like the thought :LOL:

In all seriousness. Couples who rush to get married and have kids, IMO, rarely last once the kids have become adolescents. They rushed into having a family, so quickly, that they never got to know each other first. Once taking care of the kids dies out (because they've grown up) they are like strangers to each other.

Too many times have couples told me they should have waited before having kids. They didn't get a chance to work on each other first... They get caught up in some kind of race with others in the family or friends in their age bracket... who will be married first, who will have kids first, who will have the biggest most expensive materialistic waste of money wedding?

Me and Janie? We're not just a couple, we are best friends too. I've never met anyone with a stronger relationship than we have. There is no rush. Kids DO NOT save a relationship and thinking it might is fooling yourself and hurting the child down the road. Don't get me wrong, I love kids and they love me too. Doesn't mean I want to share my Xbox 360 anytime soon.

Earth is populated enough... let's have a big party instead.

[BriannaCaza]

Brianna is the first photo from IL contest on the 4th of July weekend? I competed in that one. I do believe your husband won the light weight devision right?


Yes, it is from that contest, and he did win the lightweight division in the contest. He seems to have good luck in illinois, good thing we are moving there when we move back to the US:)

[Dan Harrison]

I want to ensure everyone knows I respect each of you who are Dads, and those who regard their families as their top priority. I know it’s not for me right now, but always leave my options open. I do believe having kids is the most important decision someone can make, and that it should be a shared decision between a man and woman so the kid has the best home life possible. I truly respect the sacrifice you make for your kids, too. It must be tough to do that, even if they are the center of your life. Since I don’t have kids, I don’t really know how I will be; I’m sure I’ll switch sides and be critical of anyone who posted the stuff I did. My parents were divorced, and it was always tough on my Dad to see me, even when he began raising me and trying to balance work and home when I was a teenager. In divorce, everyone loses. I know, and don’t want any other kid to know the same things.

I also apologize to Nick and Ryan B, I felt especially bad because I felt as if I offended them, and they are two guys I respect especially much.

[Matthew White]

Holy crap! I created one beast of a thread! Hahaha. Wow, you've all written tons of experiences and great replies. Be nice to Dan, he's hardcore, I can't throw mud on him for being so. As an enlisted man in the US Navy, I've done some hardcore stuff myself, as one of you (clay) asked about have I experienced life. I've done some craaaazy stuff in my few years in the navy. Not all involved drunken sailorness. What do you know about volunteering for orders to cuba so you could stare down the worlds most notorious terrorist, and when they get froggy you put on 40 lbs of riot control gear and go in and shackle them up until they quit kicking and screaming! Yeah, let me tell you what, terrorist, much more scared of big white than he is of them. ;p Grace, my fiance and I are quite dedicated, this is the first deployment I've been on with her at my side, and she's at home supporting me. She's still strong and loyal, so I know if she can put up with that, she's dedicated. She's not even american, she's kiwi (from new zealand, not giving out her information, to you NZ people, so don't ask) where she currently resides. So supporting me for her means something even more. Anyway, we wouldn't be having kids prolly till mid 30's so that's quite a while to save up and start a business. In the navy I'm a mechanical engineer and currently working as a cryogenics technician, what that relates to you in english, I make really really really cold stuff! :LOL: Then use it to flash freeze ice pops for a fat boy snack. Hahaha. So I'm an engineer, I can easily get a good job, and she's finishing her degree in beauty treatment and management. So she'll be working in the spa/fitness world. I think we can save up enough to start up a gym in around 5-7 years from now, maybe less with a good strong partnership. So work would be the gym, so I'd have plenty of time to train. It would be an athlete oriented gym, not some fitness club with foo foo stuff. :BP: If I didn't do that, I'd sure start up my own facility on my private property with simple powerlifting and strongman stuff and make it a private entrance thing between me, buddies, and hardcore athletes in the area. I also think the mention of her friends affecting her is highly true, and as she gets a little older and wiser she will obviously come to the realization that its not all its cracked up to be. Great experiences, however, great amount of "the suck" too. Especially for that first year or so. Oh, she does have this website and reads all the replies, I told her to be open minded though, as most of you are experienced athletes and you're all giving your personal knowledge. She hasn't registered here yet. Anyway. Yeah, this is quite the monster thread. I really do appreciate it guys. Specifically also, I'd like to say, Clay, you have my condolences, as a military member, I have seen men's lives ruined by piece of crap women left and right, I have almost been ruined financially previously. I've been working myself back and am getting to where I'm feeling somewhat safe again with money. But I feel you, living paycheck to paycheck is rough. Getting screwed by a woman who supposedly loved you sucks. I won't ever move to NZ for her, her coming to the US is easier on both of us. But yeah man, um, New Mexico huh,........there's lots and lots of desert out there man, person could go for a walk and get bit by a cottonmouth way out there, you know. Wink wink. (maybe that's that warzone mentality speakin hahaha, prolly) Thanks guys.
Matt